Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
