We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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