Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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