The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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