Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Randomize
