I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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