don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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