Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
