Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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