When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
