I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
