i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
