I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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