I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Alive.
So much puke
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
