He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
