then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
