I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
