why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
