lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
