Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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