He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
