oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
