the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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