dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
