Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
