dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
