I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
