I smell stomach acid.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
