you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
