My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
