my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
