hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
