ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
