in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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