dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
