As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
