I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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