actually, I'm a sock model
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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