So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize