Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
