I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
