Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
