she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
