Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
