Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you never un-have a 4some
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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