I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
