In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
