The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
