is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
