I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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