if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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