she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
