Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
