if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
