Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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