Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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