My entire life is one complicated drinking game
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
