"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
