just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
