ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
