Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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