So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we should paint friendship bongs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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