apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
