She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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