matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
