exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize