Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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