me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
