I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
