My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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