Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
