I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
